An Apology As Good As Silence
by Goddess-of-the-Night04
Summary: Sometimes you do something in which an apology simply isn't good enough. Slash, though not detailed in anyway at all; sorry to my fans, lol. Rating may change from PG-13 to something higher, so be watching for that
1. I'm Sorry

The owl flies in through the only window located in my private study, dropping a letter on my desk before flying back out again

I simply stare at it for a few minutes, recognizing the handwriting but not really wishing to open up the letter and see what they'd written to me

I finally cave, of course, and opened it with the care I use when I receive Christmas presents, really slow and deliberate. As I pull the note out, I already know I won't listen to whatever it is he has to say

I began to read it, my heart pounding a little faster then usual, interested to see what he has to say for himself...even though I am still resolved on not listening to him

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I know that what I did was wrong, and I'm really sorry. I feel terrible, and I'm sure that makes you smile, and it should...because you never cared about how I felt before, so why start now? Especially after it all._

_I never meant to hurt you...but I have and it's killing me. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I thought you needed to know that I'm sorry and I'm paying for it. Whatever actions you take against me for it, I will accept, because I deserve it_

_I'm not really sure what else I can say...I can't even give you a good explanation for why I did it..if I ever can, though, I'll make sure to tell you_

_I'm sorry,  
Harry Potter_

I growl, crumpling the letter up and leaving it on my desk. The child thinks he can apologize without giving me a reason for what he did? What he did deserves more then a simple "I'm sorry, Professor"! We had started regarding each other on friendly terms...not friends, per say, but friend_ly_ at least

But he's thrown that out the proverbial window with this little stunt of his. It hurts me that he would think he had to do something like that. I know I'm not the most open man, but if he had just given me some time...

Another owl interrupts my thoughts. I glare at it until it's out the window and far out of seeing range. I look down at the new letter and sigh, opening it up

_Professor,_

_I know you're upset with me, but you being mad at me is hurting me more then anything else ever has, or probably ever could. I want you to know this. Why? I'm not sure...maybe because I hate that I've lost your respect because of one moment of weakness._

_I am weak  
We both know this, and I'm willing to admit it  
Please, take my show of weakness in my favor...I can't stand this pain_

_Truly,  
Harry_

I crumple this one, just as the last one, and throw it into the air before shooting a ball of fire at it from my very palm. It's a trick no one but Albus knows about, and I wish to keep it that way. Wandless magic is a tricky business to deal with...you have to report your ability to the Ministry, and I can't risk that. Burning the first letter relieved enough stress to drive me to burn the second one, as well

Yes, his admitting his weakness makes me happier to a degree...at least I know he's in a self-loathing state

The next letter doesn't take long at all to arrive...but it merely says two words

_I'm sorry_

I guess he's getting better...not trying to talk his way out of something that he can't even begin to

And the next: iI'm sorry/i

They keep coming after that...almost a constant wave of letter after letter...I try to read them all, to see if he has anything better to say

_I'm sorry_

_iI'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

I scream in frustration as more, even after all those, arrive. I don't have to open them to know what they'll say...the same two words, over and over, just lying there smothering my desk. It seems that the more I clear off, the more that come

It's like an onslaught and I attempt to hold my own, reading all the ones that come to me...only to see the same two words: iI'm sorry/i

I'm tearing through all the letters, not knowing if I'm searching for something or merely doing it because I can't leave things unresolved...and unopened letters are certainly unresolved, if you ask me

As I'm tearing through, reading them quickly, I suddenly stop

There are no more letters. No more to read through

The strange part is that I don't know if I'm happy about that or not. I slump back in my chair, even though it's not comfortable, and survey the mess around me that Harry and I have unknowingly made together, in a way

With a lazy wave of my right hand I clear the mess away, suddenly very tired. I head off to my room, take a quick shower and climb into bed, trying desperately not to think about the betrayal I feel from Harry's actions. Not the letters, but looking into my pensieve...it hurt me...my trust and faith in him are gone

I slip into an uneasy sleep, thinking of how things could've been if this hadn't happened

---

Back in Severus' study, one last letter lays there unread. He will never find it, for it has fallen under his desk where it can only be seen if you know what to look for. The writing on the front is, though from the same person, neater then the others sent tonight. On the inside, in a flowing scripture are a mere three words

_I love you_

But he will never find it. For the darkness is the best secret keeper one could ever find.

* * *

Please tell me what you think...I maybe have an idea for a follow up, if you're interested. I know it's short, but I thought it was a cool idea, so I wrote it 

Review, please!


	2. The Arrival

It's been three years since that fateful night when all those letters came. A lot has happened, but nothing's really changed. I'm the same snarky, bastardly man I've always been, and everyone hates me, just as usual

"Professor Snape, sir, Professor Dumbledore orders that your rooms be cleaned"

I growl as I place my finger on the page I had been reading before closing it around the digit and standing up

"Why does he think my rooms need cleaning after all this time? I see no problem with them. Do _you_ see a problem with them?" I'm being a jerk, I know, but I don't like being interrupted when I'm reading

"N…n…no, sir," the little house elf stutters, unable to disagree with me, "But they're Dumbledore's orders, sir, you must under…understand. Crayson is sorry, sir, for the inconvenience"

I sigh again, "Fine, but do try and make it quick," I sit back down and open the book once more, "And also try and be quiet! I hate noise when I read," I don't, really. Noise is fine, as long as I don't have to respond to it. The elf squeaks as it walks out to my study to begin its cleaning

It's not until maybe 15 minutes later that I'm interrupted again. The house elf tries to come in quietly, I can tell by the way it's lightly treading, a look of pure fear in its eyes

"What is it now?" I bite out

"Sir...I found...I found..." I see an envelope in the little hand, "it was under...under your desk, sir," they're offering it to me now, but I simply look down at the envelope in boredom. After I don't take it, the house elf speaks again, more shakily, "I thought...I thought sir would want to see...to see it. So I brought it i...in," the blasted thing is still offering it to me

"Leave it on the table, if you will," I order and watch as it sets the offending item on the coffee table in front of me before rushing out

Instead of going back to reading, I simply stare at the off-white rectangle, sitting there mocking me. I am surprised to find the distinctive handwriting on the front of it. I would know that handwriting anywhere...the scrawl of Harry Potter is not forgotten quickly. This is, however, the neatest I've seen his writing...possibly ever

The appearance of the envelope reminds me of that fateful night three years ago...the last night Harry and I ever talked outside of class. By the coloration of the paper, it seems almost as if this could be from that same night. But how did I miss it?

I shrug as I go back to reading, ignoring the letter. However, distracting myself only works for so long, apparently. My attention is drawn back to the parchment. I stare at it for a long while again, finally sighing in resignation as I reach for it. I know what it will say...those same two words that were the closest I ever came to forgiving him

Just as I'm about to open it, though, Fawkes comes in and drops another letter in my lap. I lay Harry's back down and open the one from the Headmaster

_'Dear Severus,_

_Harry is coming back to Hogwarts today and I need someone to go meet him down at the gates to welcome him. I know this is rather last minute, but everyone else is busy doing other things for me, so I will need your help. Treat him well, Severus. It is crucial that he wants to stay around_

_He is due to arrive at 3:30. When he does get here, please bring him to my office. Thank you for agreeing_

_Albus'_

I growl as I look at the clock: 3:25. No time to back out of this, and no time to read the letter from the young man I must collect

I slam the book shut, stand up and head out the door. As I head down to the gates, the only thing I can seem to think about in my head are two questions: _'Am I ready to forgive him? Can I do that?'_

I lean my right side against one of the gates and wait for him. After merely two minutes, give or take, I see the young man walking up the drive. He doesn't look much different from when he graduated, except more fit and tan, most likely from his job as a professional seeker

I can tell when he notices that it's me, because his eyes look down at the ground. They remain down until he reaches me, only to rise for one split second before he acknowledges me, "Professor," he says meekly

"Mr. Potter," I nod in greeting, my voice icy. Maybe I'm not ready to forgive him for what he's done quite yet...but maybe I will be someday soon, "Follow me, Potter," I say, turning on my heel and heading back to the school

"Yes, sir," He mumbles quietly before following me, eyes still down

The trek to the Headmasters office is quiet...uncomfortably so. As we rise on the stairs, Albus comes into view

"I have done what you asked of me, Albus, so if you please, I will be heading back down to my chambers now," I say as Potter exits the stairs but I remain on them

"Oh no, Severus," Albus' eyes twinkle, "You're an important part of this conversation, as well. I insist that you stay for awhile," And the blasted man has the nerve to grab me by the arm and haul me off the stairs!

"I was coming, Albus! You didn't need to force me!" I fume. I look off over to the boy, expecting to be met with a smile from being made a fool of, but he's still looking down at the ground resolutely, sad as ever

_'What has happened to you, Harry?'_ I think sadly...wait...Harry? Oh whatever, he's not a student anymore

"If you boys would follow me..." Albus says, leading us up another flight of stairs to reach his office. Once inside, he signals for us to sit down, and we do. Harry takes the chair furthest from the door, while I take the other

"Lemon drop?" Albus asks, smiling brightly. We both turn him down, "Ok then...I'm sure, Severus, that you're wondering what you have to do with anything here, correct?"

I nod my assent and he continues on, "It would seem that Voldemort has been even more cruel recently and that it is not safe for Harry to be out on his own. It is safer for him to be here, with better protection," he says this last sentence more to Harry than to me...the boy is still looking down

"Again, Albus, what does this have to do with me?" I grind out

"He will have nothing to do here until the school year starts, at which point I hope he will be filling the role of DADA instructor. He must continue his training, not only to keep him sane, but to help him in the final fight"

"It is futile to attempt to teach him Occlumency! I refuse to do it, Albus, I refuse!"

"Who said anything about Occlumency? Harry has already mastered that, on his own will, and even knows Legilimens, too. No, he must be trained in hand-to-hand combat, and who better than you, Severus?"

"Why me?" I ask, shocked at the new battle technique

"Who else knows how to wield a sword, or daggers, even? I can't bring anyone from the outside to teach him, in fear that they would not be loyal to the side of the light and turn him over to Voldemort or something else to that effect"

I sit there thinking...I have no choice, I cannot turn him down...he'll still make me do it anyway, "I have no choice in the matter, do I?" I sigh

"Of course you do"

"I never do. When do we start?" I say, not wishing to get into an argument with him about this right now

"Tomorrow. Harry will be staying in the South Tower, and the lessons can be conducted in any of the empty classrooms. Will you please show him where he will be staying? He is behind Miss Estrate"

"Of course," I nod curtly and then stand up

"Harry," I hear Albus quietly say to the young man, and see him finally raise his gaze, "You'll be ok here"

The boy looks down again, nodding in understanding before pushing himself up, "Thank you, sir," he says quietly before walking towards the door, eyes still firmly on the ground

"Harry, will you wait in the other room for a moment? I just have some quick information for Severus before he leaves," Albus requests, looking sad

"Of course, sir," he says and walks out, closing the door behind him

"Albus, what is wrong with the boy?" I ask

He shakes his head sadly before saying, "I don't know. It took everything I had to get him to come back here. I don't understand it any more then you do. I thought he liked it here and would be happy to be back. I guess I was wrong"

"Maybe...the war is affecting more than he's letting on?" I suggest

"Maybe..." he says airily, "but either way, it is important that you treat him well. Make him feel welcome, Severus. I beg you, be nice"

"I can try, but I make no promises that I can be," I say, heading towards the door. I never told the Headmaster about the pensieve incident, and to this very day I still don't know why

"That's all I can ask from you. Thank you"

I walk out, "Come on, Potter, I'll show you to your rooms"

---

I'm sorry it took a while to get this out, and that it's so short, but I first had a friend spend the night, and then my aunt last night...no time to get work done on it. I hope this is satisfactory for you all...it made me happy to get such positive feedback on it

I'm not sure how far I'm going to take this story, so I don't know how long it'll end up being. But if you guys stay with me and keep me on it, it most likely will not be an unfinished work...I hate those, both reading and writing them

IF YOU DO NOT REVIEW, I WILL NOT CONTINUE. Sorry dudes, but my rule is that you have to work to get more if you want it. Plus, feeding my ego helps a lot


	3. Tell Me The Truth

The trek to his room is mostly silent. I find that I have to ask him, though, so I gather up my courage and speak, "Harry...what is the matter?" I stop in the middle of the hall, and he follows suit

He still doesn't look up at me, nor does he answer

"Why are you acting like this?" I try to clarify, but the attempt is futile, "Do you ever plan on speaking to me?" I sound desperate now, even to myself. But Albus wants me to be nice to the boy, and this attitude is really starting to drive me up the wall

"You don't want to talk to me," He says quietly, eyes still down

"And why wouldn't I? I know...in your fifth year..." Damn, the boy has me tongue-tied; "You think just because of 'the incident' that I'm not capable of being civil three years later?"

"Well obviously you were incapable even two years after it!" He looks up, angry that I don't understand, I suppose, and the sudden change shocks me, "I apologized...many times over that night, I might add...and then you don't even reply to...to..." He's choking on sobs, and I can't figure out why

"You're upset because I didn't respond? How was I supposed to respond? 'Oh, since you put it that way, I forgive you'?!" I shout

He looks down again and I growl low in my throat, "Look at me," I demand in a threatening voice

But he doesn't. He still looks down

"Harry. Look at me," I say, slightly softer this time and he looks at me from under lowered lashes, "I won't lie and say that I'm 100 ok with what happened back then, but I _am_ much closer. I'm still hurt by it, but I'm not about to go off on you or not talk to you just because of that. Doing that would be the equivalent of taking out my grudge I had on your father on you. That wasn't right, and this wouldn't be either"

"Are you really ready to forgive me?" He asks, hope shinning in his eyes

"Yes...in due time, I will be. I'm already halfway there. I just want you to know that, ok?"

He nods solemnly, "I understand, sir"

"Severus"

"What?" His head snaps up in what I guess to be shock, if the look in his eyes is anything to go by

"Call me Severus now," I sigh, not willing to back out of the hole I dug by speaking before thinking, "You are no longer my student...I have no power over you anymore, as loathe as I am to admit it"

He smiles, "Of course you still have power over me, Severus, don't worry about that"

"What kind of power?" I scoff

He frowns a bit, brows furrowing as he opens his mouth to respond. No words have the chance to escape, however, due to the appearance of Professor McGonagall in the hallway

"Harry, dear!" She says fondly, striding up to embrace him in a crushing hug

"Hello, Minerva," He says. I roll my eyes when he uses her first name, _'Oh sure, it's easy to call her by her first name, but not me'_ I inwardly snort

"How have you been? Oh, we've all missed you so much," McGonagall's in full blown grandma mode...it really is rather sickening, if you watch it for too long

"I've been..." He's searching for the right words, "through better times than this," after this he looks to me, "But I have a feeling things will start to look up from now on," he smiles shyly and Minerva beams

"And why is that, Harry?" She asks the question that is on my mind

"I finally received something I've been waiting three years for," he says cryptically

"Three years? What..." She begins, but I cut her off

"Minerva, if you please," I sigh exasperatedly, "I still have a mission to fulfill before I am allowed to return to my brooding. So if you would kindly allow me to simply show him where his rooms are, I will be more then happy to let you have him for awhile"

"Oh yes, of course, Severus," She says, still smiling, "I will let you do that, then. I'll see you later, Harry"

She begins to walk off, but stops to whisper something in the boys ear before departing for good. As she walks off, they're both smiling broadly at their shared joke, and he looks at me with the bright eyes that had been missing since he got here this afternoon

"What is so funny?" I bite out

"Oh nothing...just something she said. It's really of no importance at all," He's still smiling as he continues on in the direction we were heading in before stopping to chat

"Harry, you _will_ tell me what she said," I order, following him and quickly catching up

"Possibly....maybe later," Is all he says

The rest of the way to the enclosure is quiet, though the trip isn't long enough for it to become uncomfortable

"Miss Estrate," I address the fair blonde-haired maiden of the green pasture, "This is Harry Potter, and he will be your new charge"

"Ooooh! It's been so long since anyone has occupied these rooms," She smiles brilliantly at Harry, and I have to suppress my shiver of disgust, "I do hope they are suitable for you, Mr. Potter"

"I'm sure they'll be fine," He assures the portrait

"And what will your password be?" She asks, "Or do you not want Severus here to hear it?" She smiles at me, but I merely scowl in return

"He can hear it...that's all right. I would like..." He trails off, apparently thinking, then decides: "I would like my password to be 'Obscured Vision', if it can be"

"Quite a unique password...but I guess I've had weirder. Godric had it as 'Twinkle Toes' once...quite the odd fellow he was, though," She chuckles

"Godric? As in Godric Gryffindor?" Harry asks, mouth gaping

"Of course. Didn't anyone tell you? I guard the master suite of Gryffindor," at his puzzled look, she turns to me, "Honestly! Don't you people tell anyone _anything_ anymore?"

"I had no hand in this," I put both up in mock surrender to show this, "I am merely the messenger and bearer of your gift"

I watch as she gives Harry a once-over and feel something inside of me that I can't quite place, "Well I do love my gift, Severus," She practically purrs, making both the boy and I dry-heave, "You should bring me more sometime"

"I'll see what I can do," I snarl sarcastically through a clenched jaw

"See that you do," She says, still ogling Harry

"Well, since I have done my part here, I will leave you to settle into your new rooms. I expect to see you in my office at eight tonight to discuss the beginning of your training tomorrow"

"Of course, Severus. I'll be there," Harry says, shy once more, though not nearly as sad

I return to my rooms to work on potions for Pomfry, for the students have once again diminished all of her stocks through the school year

It's amazing how one simple (or not so simple) act of making potions can ensnare someone so thoroughly that they don't realize that dinner is half over by the time they resurface from the haze of it

I hurry down to the Great Hall, it being 7:15 by now. I take my place at the small table in between Poppy and Filius, ignoring the quiet stares I can feel coming from those around me

"What?" I finally snap, looking up from my food after attempting to ignore the rest of them for a good few minutes

"Why are you late, Severus?" Albus asks kindly

"I lost track of time while I was brewing the potions for Poppy," they didn't seem satisfied, "What? Like I've never been late to dinner before?"

Minerva clears her throat, "Of course you've been late to dinner before...we all have at some point...but I guess...you just..." She stumbles

"I've never seen you in anything but your menacing robes, Severus," Harry says, smiling, "I never took you for a muggle clothes type of guy," He barely suppresses a giggle

I look down at myself in shock. True, I like wearing something more comfortable during the summer holidays...there's no reason to be trapped in such confining clothes when there are no students around to menace. I can't believe I forgot to put my robes on over this outfit... i especially /i this one (one of my favorites, actually). It's simply a tighter fit dark green, short-sleeved shirt and some comfortable blue jeans. Sure, it's not black, but really, what's the big deal?

"I like being comfortable during my breaks," I say defensively, "You know I like to done muggle clothing during the summer. Not only is it lighter, but it's more freeing, as well," I glare around the table, daring anyone to question me further

"Of course, Severus...we will leave you alone about it now," Albus says politely, then starts a group conversation about a new form of ministry trying to take control of Switzerland or some other odd country. Naturally, I abstain from joining the discussion

At around 7:45, I finally decide to leave the happy little gathering and head down to my rooms. Everyone is, of course, done eating when I leave, but it is common practice in this castle to simply sit and converse for up to hours afterwards. I don't enjoy these past-times very much

As I settle in my sitting room for the first time since I had to collect the boy this afternoon, I spot the forgotten envelope still lying on the coffee table. I pick it up, wondering if it's even worth reading now that he's back

I stare at it some more - funny how much time I've spent simply doing that today. To hell with it. I'm gonna open it. What harm could it do to read _I'm sorry_ one more time?

I'm surprised to find that my hands are shaking as I try to open it up. I carefully take the parchment out of its enclosure and open it, my heart pounding faster in a way it hasn't done since the night when I should've read this

I think my heart stopped after reading the words. I can't be sure, because my breathing hitched and I could almost swear the room went dark for a moment, but I think I died for a second. I wasn't expecting to find these words in front of me...not now, not ever. _I love you._ How the hell did I miss this that night?! Is it really from him? I check the writing once more, and it's unmistakably his

Maybe someone forged his handwriting...maybe he was drunk. He wasn't in his right mind when he wrote this...he couldn't've been! Why would he...and...why? How did I miss this?!

There's a knock on my door, and it makes me jump a foot in the air. Quite literally, thank you very much. I stand up, letter in hand, and attempt to compose myself before opening the door to find none other then Harry Potter in my doorway

"Severus?" Harry asks worriedly. Did I do that bad of a job concealing my emotions? This boy has gone to my head!

"You sent this? You really sent this?" I ask, showing him the note, not caring that any of the teachers could walk past and see the note or us

His eyes grow wide, then meet mine again, "You received it, didn't you? You never responded, so why are you making such a big deal about it to me now?" he sounds mad

"How was I supposed to respond to it when I just received it this morning? I know it probably was sent three years ago, but I didn't receive it until today," I say vehemently

"This morning?" He looks truly perplexed, "Severus...I _did_ send that three years ago...the last night we ever talked"

I stand there, the wheels turning in my brain, "Come inside. We have things to discuss"

---

Cliffy...I'm aware. However, I am worn out with this for the night and still have Advanced Math homework to do...ewwwww...

This chapter is significantly longer than the other two, wouldn't you say? I still don't know how far I'm wanting to go with this, but we'll find out together. Also, before you yell at me, you will be told what McGonagall whispered to Harry as she was leaving...should be next chapter, so yeah

Due to...recent points being (not so subtly) brought to my attention, I will no longer state my rule at the bottom of the chapters. I trust you all know what it is I am talking about, and know my wishes. That is all that matters and I will henceforth discontinue its usage. I do not, however, think it is unreasonable for a writer to merely ask that their work be acknowledge so they know that they are not wasting their time. And I do not appreciate reviews simply yelling at me for my use of the aforementioned tactic and the way I use my characters. I am basing this story loosely off of a real life happening (minus the "I love you" part and anything that happens next) and know how Harry would feel in this situation. You will just have to trust me with my interpretation of him. I'm sorry if it seems off to anyone, but it is and will remain as such

Now I'm done ranting. Happy now?


	4. What Really Happened

I know guys, I'm horrible! I should've updated sooner...it's just that the school musical (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying) is this weekend and the weeks leading up to this point have been hell, so I haven't been much in the writing mood

This is possibly the last chapter of this (I want it to be, but if you don't like my ending make sure to read my end note), so I hope you enjoy it...savor it, even. And don't forget to read my other HP/SS stories if you're a fan of this one. Thanks!

**Warning!**: To cover my own butt, I will give you a warning that there is mild sexual content in this chapter. It is not bad enough to be R, in my honest opinion, so this rating still remains PG-13. If you believe it deserves to be R, please kindly inform me in a review. You can't say I didn't warn you about the scene

* * *

As he steps inside, I lead him to the chair and couch next to the fireplace. I place myself in my chair, and he silently takes the couch 

We sit there merely staring at each other for a few minutes before he speaks up, "Severus...I don't understand..."

"I don't either..." I admit, "If you sent it three years ago, then why didn't I receive it that night?"

"I sent you a lot of letters that night, if you recall, so maybe you just...forgot about it?"

"I read every single letter that arrived onto my desk that night...I don't know how I missed it"

"Did you push it off the desk somehow? How'd you even find it today?"

"Albus ordered a house elf to clean my rooms, and it found it and gave it...to...oooh," I trail off, the piece's fitting together finally

"'Oooh' what? You _did_ push it off, didn't you?"

"I must have. I'm sorry, Harry"

He smiles at that, and my stomach does a flip

"Would you have responded...if you had found it that night?" He asks, nervous once more

"I...I'm not sure...I probably would have, telling you something like 'You're too young to know what love is, but if, after being out in the world for five years, you still have feelings for me, come back and we'll have dinner or something'"

"But I've been out in the world for three years now...I know what it's like, and I know it'd be a lot easier to handle everything if you were by my side. I know I'm putting a lot at stake here, but I don't want to pretend that those words don't still stand true"

"You still feel that way?"

"Yes...God help me, but I do"

I look away from him, to the floor, and don't respond to his statement. I know I have feelings for him...I've known for a while...but is it love? It eerily feels like it...or what I think it should feel like

"Harry, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about you. I know I care immensely for you, but I'm not quite certain that it's love," I admit, telling him the truth while looking him in the eye

He nods slightly, "I don't want to rush you into anything, and if you don't know, that's perfectly fine. However, that doesn't stop my feelings, so if you would prefer that we take things slow until you figure out how you really feel, I can do that"

"I would like that very much," I say sincerely, my stomach flipping again as I witness life come back to the boys' eyes

"So you really...this is really...wow," he stutters, and I can't help but smile (I do know how, contrary to popular belief)

He notices the smile, his eyes transfixed on my mouth. I become self-conscious and close my lips over my teeth once more, and I notice him lick his lips. Suddenly mine are dry as well (why does that always happen?) and so I lick mine as well, quicker than he licked his, though

After I do that, I don't know how long it takes him to get over to me, but here he is, straddling my legs as I sit in my chair. I find myself looking up into his eyes, and it is an odd change for me, so I grab his hips and lower him so he's sitting on my legs instead of hovering above them, so I can now look almost directly into them. His arms go about my neck as I watch his eyes slowly come closer to mine

When our lips connect, I feel something deep within me that I've never felt from merely kissing someone before. It doesn't take long for the kiss to become deeper, our bodies pulled closer together by the heat of it. I feel as though I'm burning his hips where I hold them with my hands because they are so warm...but perhaps it is him burning me

When we break for air, I feel his panting breath on my left ear as he nuzzles my cheek, and I hear him whisper, "So long...waited so long..."

I tighten my grip on him at that, my arms wrapping around his waist instead of holding his hips. I feel his hardness press into my own and I hear him gasp shakily into my ear before pulling back, "It's just..." he looks embarrassed, "I waited so long for that...oh god...please don't be disgusted with me," he pleads

"Shh, Harry," I bring my right hand up to his cheek gently, and he leans into the touch, making me smile, "I'm hardly disgusted with you for that. Especially when I'm much in the same state as you," I say as I put pressure on his lower back to keep him in place as I raise my hips, causing us both to moan

"We don't have to...we can stop..." he breathes out heavily, eyes half lidded from that one movement

I shake my head with eyes closed, "No...you're not the only one who's waited a long time...so long I've wondered what it'd be like to have your body under mine, writhing as I mapped out your body"

Harry whimpers, pressing his body closer to mine, his arms tightening around my neck as he rubs against me while nuzzling my left cheek again

An agreement is made through grunts, moans and sighs that it's ok to be animalistic right now, for we will have plenty of time to take things slower. We continue to rub against each other, and all though I feel like a teenager with high hormones again, I can't help but lose control around him

Neither of us lasts long at all, rubbing and moaning. It's his mewl and soft call of my name as he climaxes that pushes me over the edge, both of us coming in our pants...disgusting, really

As we sit there panting, I mutter the cleansing charm to dry us both off before pulling him closer, savoring the feel of the younger man in my arms at last

"Don't let him throw you off, Dear. I think, deep down, he really likes you"

The words are said in a mimicking voice out of no where...or at least no where that I can see

"What?" I ask, pushing Harry back a little to look at his face

"Minerva...it's what she said to me in the hall earlier"

It takes me a moment to remember the incident, but I finally get it, "That's what was so humorous?" Doesn't sound funny to me

He smiles broadly, "It was funny 'cause I was thinking the same thing...plus we weren't really _laughing_, per say...it was more of a shared knowledge thing"

"I see..." I say, though I really don't, "Well thanks for telling me"

"Of course...I said I would"

There's silence for a couple minutes, though it's not as awkward as one would think. Harry's head is resting on my left shoulder, and my own head is resting on his head

"Tell me this'll last," He practically begs quietly into my ear

I pull him closer, "As long as you want it to, it will"

"What if I want you forever?" He asks, pulling back

I'm shocked by the question, and he seems to be scared of my answer, "Why you would want me that long is beyond me. However, as much as I would love to be with you forever, I think it would be wise for us to take things a day at a time...that way there's no pressure to stay together if one wants out"

His face falls, his brow creasing, "I won't ever want out...didn't you feel what happened when we kissed? Severus...let me perform a spell on us"

I look at him skeptically, "What kind of spell?"

"A soul mate spell. I found it in a dark arts book. After finding it, I read up on soul mates and I know the signs...will you let me check?"

The prospect of us being soul mates frightens me...but the chance that we may not be scares me even more. I nod my head anyway, giving my permission

He pulls his wand out of his back pocket and mumbles a spell, but nothing happens at first except for him glowing a soft green

"If you start to glow white, and mine changes from green to white, we will know that we're soul mates. It takes only about a minute for it to search the person out"

Waiting the torturous minute is incredibly hard to do. My heart is pounding forcefully inside my ribcage as I simply sit here

A warm feeling flows through me, and I look down at myself to see a white glow radiating off me. I look at Harry, still glowing green, and my heart physically hurts

He sees this and says quietly, "Wait, Severus"

I do, and I watch as about ten seconds later he begins to glow white, my heart lifting at the sight, "See, that wasn't so bad was it? At least we're sure now," Harry smiles, releasing a breath I didn't know he'd been holding

"Because we're soul mates, that means we're meant to be together...and that we love each other...and always will...and you'll never leave?" I'm uncertain about the whole thing, sure

"Yes, Severus...I will never leave you, nor will I ever stop loving you"

I smile and lean up to capture his lips again in a possessive kiss. I know I love him, and I can admit that now...I love The Boy Who Lived, and he loves me, and that's all that possibly matters in the world right now

The kiss ends, same as the spell, and we're simply left in our position of him sitting on my legs. His face is in the crook of my neck...a place that feels completely natural to be filled by his head, and I can feel his lips softly brush against the sensitive skin

"I love you, Severus"

"I love you too, Harry"

"Are you sure you're ok with all this?" He pulls back, looking into my eyes

I smile gently, "Yes. In fact, I think I could get quite used to this"

He returns my smile before burrowing back into my neck. I think he'll be spending quite a large amount of time there, so I do hope it's comfortable. We have forever to simply stay in this position if we really want to. For now, though, I'm content with simply thinking about now, taking it minute by incredible minute. I have all my life to prove to him how much I love him...maybe one day I'll even send a letter...

* * *

Do you want that to be the end? Cuz I was thinking it would be...it works. If you DO NOT WANT ME TO STOP HERE you will need to give me some ideas for what you want to happen...cuz I'm blanking on anything. Not to mention I have about...three other stories that need to be worked on at the same time, which is another reason I wanted to just end this one, lol 

Please tell me what you thought, and leave any suggestions for a continuation if you really want one cuz you're so unhappy with my ending

Sorry again for the long wait! I'm horrible :hangs head in shame:


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